Parrot Joke

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. The parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary.

Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even ruder.

John, in desperation, threw up his hand, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.

Then suddenly there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute. Fearing that he'd hurt the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arms and said, "I believe I may have offended you with my rude language and actions. I'm sincerely remorseful for my inappropriate transgressions and I fully intend to do everything I can to correct my rude and unforgivable behaviour."

John was stunned at the change in the bird's attitude. As he was about to ask the parrot what had made such a dramatic change in his behaviour, the bird continued, "May I ask what the turkey did?"

From The Dec Cluskey Newsletter

I Went To The Gym And A Weight Bar Fell In My Head

Being clumpsy as I am I don't know how it didn't happen before. I laid the weight bar where it was suppossed to stay but it slide and hit my head. I have a big bruise in my head (and part of a shoulder). My cousin, who is a phisycian, told me that I should go to a clinic or something to rule out having something more than that.

She said to me: if you don't notice nausea, blurred vision, sickness or extreme pain you probably have nothing. Of course, when I got into the emergency room, I had all the symptoms (I'm a Cancer). The doctors ordered a computed assisted tomography but it shown I was OK, so I came home.

BTW, I was lifting 25 kilos, plus the weight of the bar. Some guys lift 120 kg. They do it with someone who helps them, of course.

New New Order (Order) - I mean album

New Order's newest release, "Waiting For The Sirens Call", will be divided between guitar tracks in the vein of the band's previous album "Get Ready" and the synth-based tunes, New Order's trademark.

Previous to the album, a single, "Krafty", will be released. "Krafty" is New Order's first single since 2002. The tracklist looks something like this: "Lordsy", "Road To Ruin", "Waiting For The Sirens' Call", "Krafty", "I Told You So", "Pop 1", "Minidisk 2", "Jet", "Fast Synth", "Turn" and "Working Overtime".

The second single (out of 3), "Waiting For The Sirens Call", will be released to co-incide with summer festival appearances. An April tour will soon be revealed. Written in Manchester and recorded in Manchester, Liverpool and London, the record was produced by Stephen Street and recorded over the past year.

from Side Line Magazine

Watch for this scam! (joke)

"Generally, I hate the warnings that get sent around, but I have to admit that this one is important.
Please protect everyone you know by sending this to your entire email list.

If a man comes to your door and says he is conducting a survey and asks you to show him your bum, do NOT show him your bum. This is a scam - he only wants to see your bum.

I wish I'd got this yesterday. I feel so stupid and cheap.

Have a great New Year!
Mick Lee."

Taken from the Dec Cluskey newsletter

Tentative CD cover

POLL

There's a poll there about a cd single i'm planning releasing... The cd design is

HERE

and I'm NOT the guy in the picture...

Dream about a big building

There was a big building in the city, it had 50 stores. At the top of the building there was a terrace that was so big that it had several restaurants and bars. It was very exclusive and it was hard to get there because it was so high that the temperature was cold and it was very windy, like at the top of a mountain. I was talking to a girl that was a friend of a girl I know, and I was telling her that I went to one of those restaurants. She told me that she and the girl I know used to go there with some rich and famous friends.

Interview!

This is a basic interview circulating on Internet so maybe you've read it before.

Okay, so state your full name.
Emiliano Canal

No middle name?
No.

How about any nicknames that people call you?
People call me Emi. When I played rugby they called me Yuyo which means "weed".

Was it because of marijuana?
God, no. It had to be with the fact that I was tall but couldn't get a ball, so they said that there was no point in me having grown so much, it's a joke difficult to translate. I don't do drugs.

Where were you born and where do you live now? (Just in case people don't know.)
Born in Buenos Aires, Argentina. Moved to the suburbs of Buenos Aires and now I'm back in the city. I lived in Vancouver, Canada, several months because my parents moved there.

Do you have a girlfriend?
Yes. Kind of.

Are you a vegetarian?
Not officially, but I hardly eat meat.

Are you going to college?
No. I took private music classes.

Were you a good student?
Yes I think so.

What about in the studio? Are you a good worker?
I love working at the recording studio. Time flies when I'm there. I look at the watch and it's Oh, no, is it midnight already?

Are you a good driver?
Yes, but the traffic in this city is a little chaotic, so I insult other drivers.

Did you ever had a fist fight or something?
I'm almost 1.90 (6' 2'') so people take it easy. Besides, I only swear imprudent drivers.

Do you have any tattoos?
Yes, a Peanuts character in a shoulder.

Really? Which one?
Peppermint Patty.

You are a freak. Do you have any piercings?
I used to wear an earring in my ear lobe. That's it. And let me tell you, it was a scandal when I started using it. Times has changed a lot.

That shows your advanced age. Do you drink?
Alcohol? Hardly.

Do you smoke?
I quitted. I was a heavy smoker. I smoke 30 cigarettes a day, or more. If I could quit I can tell you there's nothing I can't do.

Do you have any obsessions?
Hundreds. I like to keep everything in order, I hate when you can't find stuff. I like to have my CD's and books in alphabetical order, so when someone comes into my place and starts browsing for music I always ask them to return the CD's to the exact spot where they were so they start thinking I'm going mad as a result of living alone for years.

What famous person do people think you look like?
I was told that I looked like George Michael, Tom Hanks (in Forest Gimp probably), Bono Vox, and others. I have no idea why. Oh, and lots of people tell me I move my body like this guy from Friend's... Chandler, Mathew Perry I think... I don't know why, honestly. There was a young girl, 15 or 16 that used to call me Chandler.

I'm looking at you. You don't look like any of them at all. Anyway, describe a little about how you look.
I'm tall, 6' 2'', black short hair, white skin, I use to dress in black and I go to the gym so I have a large back.

How about this, how would you describe your personality?
I'm a Cancer, I change my mood every three hours. Sometimes I'm the funniest guy in the world, sometimes I'm locked inside myself. I talk a lot though.

I see. Do you think you're attractive?
I'm very attractive from a middle distance, around 25 meters. But that's because I'm tall. When you get closer the magic fades, because you notice I have a big nose (laughs).

Describe your perfect girl.
I'm dating somebody, don't get me introuble. I like honest people. That's the first thing I look in somebody. But a good pair of breasts could get my interest too... (laughs). Just kidding, I'm not a breast man.

Would you ever want to get married?
Sure.

Do you want to have any children?
Of course. I'm a Cancer. I love children.

Do you like yourself?
In this incarnation I'm lucky. I had bad ones.

Have you ever freaked on the floor?
What do you mean by that?

I don't know. Have you ever broken the law?
Minor infractions.

Have you ever been skinny dipping?
I'm not a very good swimmer.

Have you ever kissed a stranger?
Yes

Have you ever been in a fist fight?
Yes. And I blackened the guy's eye. We were 14. Ten years later I had a girlfriend who told me that his brother's best friend had cancer, he was in chemiotheraphy and all, and it turned out it was this guy. I felt guilty for having hitted him. I must add that he had pushed me against a wire pole and hurted my head, they had to give me a stitch. That's the reason why I hit him.

What's you favorite thing to do?
Record songs.

Is that your final answer?

Absolutely.

Okay, I'm going to ask you about some of your favorite things.
Alright.

Favorite ice cream:
Dulcet de leche, a local Argentinean flavor.

Food:
Pasta, Chinese, sushi, vegetables, pizza...

Vegetables:
Any vegetable is OK.

Fruit:
It depends. Sometimes oranges, sometimes tangerines, sometimes bananas, sometimes more exotic thins.

Candy:
I use to eat sugarless mint candies.

Beverage:
Diet Coke or Pepsi. I'm trying to quit, I'm so hooked on that stuff...

Movie:
Thousands of movies. Once I posted a list of my favorite movies in my blog (www.popproducer.blogspot.com) but now I forgot.

Actor or Actress:
I'm not a big actor fan. I prefer directors. Woody Allen, maybe, or Alan Parker, whoever.

Cartoon:
Again, thousands. Simpsons, South Park, Duckman, Futurama, that stuff.

Season:
I'm happier during autumn.

Country:
I feel at home in Argentina but there are several places I really like.

Color:
I dress in black, but violet and yellow are also my favorites. I feel attracted to orange things, although I don't like that color consciously. Fuchsia is another color I like.

Piece of clothing:
I like black clothes, but they have to be comfortable. I hate when you wear something hard. I have a sensitive skin.

Place to be:
Wherever the wind takes me.

Sport:
Tennis, rugby, golf.

Flower:
Jasmines. Maybe it's uncool but when I used to smoke a lot my mother brought jasmines into my room and that helped me breath again. There was a big plant in my parent's house.

Your favorite thing to do on the weekend:
The places I like to go are crowded during the weekend so I use to stay home.

Music:
Do you want to stay all night? Let's say classic synthpop like Pet Shop Boys, Depeche Mode, Erasure, New Order, OMD etc. Modern synthpop. And bands like Beatles, Queen, Pink Floyd, ELO, solo artists like David Bowie, George Michael, Prince, Kylie Minogue, Madonna, etc. etc. I could go for hours.

I would take a look at your CD collection but I'm afraid of changing the CD's out of place.
Don't you dare.

Okay, what do you prefer,

Coke or Pepsi:
I'm in a Pepsi phase these days. But I want to quit!

Oranges or apples:
Both.

One pillow or two:
I use one.

Blondes or brunettes:
Honest and big titted (laughs). I dated a couple of redheads recently.

Tall or short:
Girls?

I don't know. It was written like that.
I'm taller that most people I know, so everyone is shorter than me, I don't notice if someone is tall or short if I don't pay attention.

TV or radio:
I like the radio on. I have two of them, one in AM for the news and other in FM playing pop music. At the same time, of course. I don't watch too much TV. Cartoons like The Simpsons.

McDonald's or Burger King:
I like McDonald's coffee, which is what everyone hates in this country. I try to avoid fast food, there was a period of my life when I ate that every day. Burger King burgers are somewhat better.

Day or Night:
I'm a night guy. Not too late, I go to bet around 2 or 2:30.

Boxers or briefs:
I like boxers but I mostly use brief. They are more comfortable.

Okay, now for the juicy grand finale questions...

What is your biggest fear?
I don't have a big fear. I have small obsessions. I meditate and went to therapy so I explored my unconscious.

What is your most embarrassing moment, ever?
I'm clumsy, I break things. The other day I broke a glass while having a drink with a girl, and small pieces of glass fell into her bag... I do these clumsy things all the time.

If you were stuck on a planet with one person would you want with you?
Maybe a Gemini girl. They have so many personalities... Besides I have Moon in Gemini so love them.

If your house was on fire what two things would you take?
My hard disk and a fire extinguisher.

If someone offered you a small part in a movie would you accept?
Yes, I love to film stuff and act. I acted in a couple of commercials and videos.

Is this a hint for all the film makers reading this?
I'll film something myself.

Where do you see yourself in 5 years?
I don't know. The future is not what it used to be.

Thanks, man.

Depeche Mode albums to be re-released

Taken from Side Line magazine

A Mute spokesman, who wanted to remain anonymous, has informed Side-Line that Mute/EMI has serious plans to re-release the backcatalogue of their most succesful band, Depeche Mode. The releases will come in remastered versions, possible in the SACD format. Still according to this source there is little hope that the new version will see a 2CD treatment: "The band's songwriter (Martin Lee Gore) has never been very prolific when it came to songwriting. What you had on the albums and singles was merely that what was available. As far as demos concerned, don't get your hopes up too high, the quality is in most cases not sufficient enough to be released." No schedule has been announced so far since the label awaits the progression of the band. Depeche Mode is currently preparing work on the follow-up of their 2001 album "Exciter" together with producer Ben Hillier, known for his work with bands such as Blur, Echobelly, Pulp, Erasure, Underworld, Suede, Smashing Pumpkins, Republica, Curve, U2, Duran Duran, Lush and New Order. EMI Europe could not confirm or denie the news of the re-releases. More news as we get it.

I hope they are released in Argentina too...